FINDING L♥VE at WHAT CO$T?

 *Disclaimer: This message & video is meant for
 those who or 18 and over. Intense subject matter.




Ladies you aren't alone... There are a few men waiting as well.
"Don't Settle" Wait until God's says proceed.

 
I'm going to share a story with you that  sounds straight out of a Lifetime movie. In life we feel if we follow God's footsteps all our blessings will be meet. If only life would be so easy.

Yes, that's what I learned as a child growing up & I try exceedingly hard to do the right thing. Unfortunately everyone doesn't have that same divine guidance as you. There is a strong chance you could come across many who tip toe through life with not so great intentions.

Getting Real...A big issue lies in the Cinderella story. Times have chance since that story book fairytale was told to me and for a lot of little girls who grasp on to that romantic glass slipper ending. The keyword all along is “FAIRYTALE”. Fairytale Meaning: 1. A story, usually for children about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies or other magical creatures. 2. An incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.

So, why do we continue to read such books to our children giving them false hope and not real reality? Which brings me to little girls fantasizing early on about their wedding day. The hopes of riding off into the sunset & living happily ever after. In our initial consultation with couples about their special day; one of the questions we ask is: What type of wedding do you envision? The answers we receive are remarkable. The wedding day should signify a day of two joining as one. The ceremony is the most important part, however the reception usually gets majority of the attention. Go into the marriage being real, not fantasizing about living in a magical castle with your fairy godmother granting every wish. Entering the marriage with that mindset & you will be disappointed. The wedding day is about the experience you create, an unforgettable celebration that is everything you've dreamt it would be. If you start it with false hope you will end with a false reality. Once all the guests have said their congratulations and gone home. The real planning of your “UNION” has just began. Will you be prepared?


As a wedding planner, mentor, writer & blogger who often speaks & addresses relationships topics. I'm always interested to see what women & men think about dating & marriage. I was invited to attend the YAM-Young Adult Ministry Relationship Series Part 3. It was only supposed to be one evening. Well the panel discussion was so intense, then headed by a long Q & A. It was fair to say there was a strong interest the YAM's wanted & needed more. YAM as young adults have real, legitimate questions and concerns about relationships and how to conduct themselves according to the word of GOD ...So a Part 4 was scheduled for the following week. OK get ready for the topic... Possible Signs of a Down Low Brother.

Panelists included: Pastor Sheryl Reaves who gave a heart wrenching testimony of the Down Low Brother ; Relationship Coach Ryeal Simms; Sister Sylvia Reid ; Newlyweds Mr. & Mrs. Ferguson-Editors of Impact the Magazine; Professor Precious Umunna and Comedian Ron Gee. OMGoodness Pastor Reaves story left me with my jaw to the ground & that is hard to do. I have heard it all, but this was deep. I truly believe even the other panelists were in Awe to her testimony. Coach Ryeal laid it out from a mans point of view. And let me just say it was a crystal clear view. Sister Reid, with her soft spoken voice that had all the men melting and paying attention closely, but her realness I loved it; Mr. & Mrs Ferguson the newlywed couple who shared there dating experience & just how they work together as a team was refreshing; Professor Umunna the knowledge that flows from her is direct and to the point & last but not least Ron Gee added his comedic touch to ease the room, but surprisingly shared a side of him I'm sure most didn't know was in him. Ron Gee actually, funny on the outside, but all soft & filled with substance on the inside. Yes, ladies he's one of the good brothers. The man you want but often don't give him a chance.

Relationship Series Part 3

Pastor Sheryl Reaves Mind Blowing Testimony

Possible Signs of a Down Low Brother

*Look for Pastor Reaves book in 2012

opening-up in depth about her true story.

~Setting Boundaries~At What Co$t Do You Find or Keep Love?
Prior to marriage there's a courtship. "Hopefully” If not see #3 below. I've personally learned a few boundaries you must possess when courting. It's so important not to get fully engulf in the courtship, that you either miss or ignore the “Red Flags”. Dating is optional. You can walk away at any given time. Marriage is a Union that two people should consider very carefully. Marriage is “CONTRACTIONAL”. I know that sounds extremely business like. Right? Well it is. Before a marriage is recognize you must sign a marriage license. You stand before God, Justice of the Peace, Pastor, Bishop or Rabbi (you get my point) And profess certain agreements as Husband & Wife. Marriage is a lot harder to walk away from &at times can take even longer than the planning of the wedding itself.


I'll never forget at a past Sunday Service at West Angeles COGIC. That particular morning we had a guest speaker- Dr. Cosby. The sermon title was " When God Doesn't Come".  A portion of Dr. Cosby sermon was about Praying Dumb Prayers.  Be careful what you pray for. Because you just may get it.  Dr. Cosby big question to the congregation ; Have you ever prayed a dumb prayer? A job you wanted or a person you wanted to date back in the day. Sometimes " When God Doesn't Come" you should say "Thank You".  If you click the WGDC link you will be able to listen to a portion of the sermon, but he goes into great detail that not only makes the congregation think but laugh with a Aha Moment I'm sure.

You've prayed to be with a certain individual. Prayer is answered... you receive, you court, you than marry. After year's of being with this person you are now praying :How to get rid of. (Figuratively NOT Literally) The congregation laughs. That was an Aha Moment for me. Yes, I did laugh but then reflected back to doing that exact thing in my mid 20's. I'm thankful to God that my prayer was answered because that relationship taught me a great deal. However, even more grateful that he stop me years later in another Aha Moment. Whispering to me,  my child this is not the one. I listen, but at the time really didn't understand Why. I had faith he would bring me through. His plan for my life was different than the plans I was making at that time. That's when I initially learned about seasons. People enter your life at times for a season & others for a lifetime. As I grew closer to the word, I knew it wasn't for me to understand. Just know that he always has my back & now I can face forward & continue to listen for the whisper. I completely understand & get it now & proceeding with my gut. “Always” listen to the Whisper, so you can avoid the Bang. Although I didn't marry that person, I can say we are the best of friends & continue to be there for each other through all seasons.

~5 Tips to Setting Boundaries, that will help you hear the Whisper to avoid the Bang~

1. ASK the right questions when dating. Not surface questions. Get to the hard core substance questions. Dig deep into the individuals character, beliefs, religion, family, future aspirations and past, etc. Yes, the past. A lot of people don't like to go there, but Why. You will learn a lot. What you don't ask you don't know.

Testimony: Asking the right questions, enabled Pastor Reaves to recognize that her significant other had a possible double lifestyle.


2. Don't be a serial dater. If you have a desire to be married, have kids, live out of the country in two years. Seek/Date someone who wants the same. If he/she says 3 months in; that's not what I want. Keep it pushing. Don't settle thinking that person will change their mind or you can change their mind. Revert back to Ques #1. ASK  in the beginning of the courtship.

Statement via Sister Sylvia Reid: I love this statement. You should only raise vegetables & children. Not your Boy/Girl Friend, Husband or Wife.


3. Listen to the whisper. If it sounds to good too soon. “Run”.


4. “ALWAYS” be your authentic self from day one. Do not send your representative and most importantly don't change who you are to please that individual. False pretense aren't reality in the long run. Get Real or Get Gone.


5. When someone shows you who they are the first time. “Believe It”. Do not stick around for a second or third time. Keep it Pushing.


Bonus Tip...Before you can truly give 100% love to another. Absolutely essential you l♥ve & know yourself first. If you don't completely know you, its impossible to know what you want or need for a lifetime. And above all "TRUST" God to guide your footsteps. This doesn't mean have your guard up 24-7. Doing so just may block the blessing God is sending to you.

If you like to attend a future YMA-Young Ministry Adult Bible Study. Headed up by Elder Manuel Thomas. It takes place Tuesday's at 7:00 pm at the West Angeles Performing Arts Theater located at 3020 Crenshaw Blvd. Los Angeles CA, 90016